note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
