i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
