I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
