her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
