I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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