Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
