I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
