I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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