Tell her she can't have a vagina
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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