I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think i have two assholes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
