Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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