I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
