if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
