i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
