Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
