Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
