listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
