Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
