Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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