I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize