I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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