i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
