Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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