i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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