the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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