can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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