He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
