That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
