Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
