I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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