i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
