i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
