Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
