To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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