you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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