you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
