I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
