so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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