i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
