you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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