@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
