How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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