and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
