Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
