He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Its about making memories worth repressing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
