On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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