guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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