Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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