Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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