oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
