I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
