drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
