thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
