I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize