Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Couch. On fire.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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