Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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