I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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