yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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