I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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