Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
