if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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