A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
